An Unloved Poet

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An Unloved Poet

what’s it like?
to Love me-
does it hurt,
is it sweet,
honeydew slobbering;
from your tongue?

does FEAR grip you;
torridly?
deeply,
gougingly?(craving)
is your heart intensely torn –
back and forth,
adoration,
dismay
share your insights?

do tears fall from your ducts,
your eyes glisten with moist salty,
secretions down your rough cheeks –
regarding me; ever?

does my presence crack open,
your entrails?
FILLED lavishly with wants,
is there a single time, second,
moment,
you ponder the shape of my face,
the taste of my skin,
strands of my hair,
consider? the outline of my jaw,
do your fingerprints brood over my lips,
have you looked into my pupils and fallen in?

i wonder?
what it is like –
to Love me
is it like licking [broken] glass,
a paper cut on your ring finger,
sleeping on burning coals;
for a thousand years?
i think at times,
it may be …

[like that]

OR is it the sensation of sunflower’s petals,
grazing kisses across your flesh?
immeasurable pleasures from the perfect Film,
could it be when the Sun sets at the exact moment,
when the full Moon glows,
they make love into the horizon –
procreating Hope
could it be briefly, like that?

i’m curious,
have you written me into poetry,
at least once?
painted my Scarlet aura onto a blank canvas,
drenched paint brush, creating me into strokes,
formed my silhouette out of clay,
carved me into a tree?
anything of me?
etched some kind words onto clouds –
do i live inside,
each pounding heartbeat?

what is it like?
to Love me –
dangerous
passionate
painful, lonely
ad nauseam?

am i too close to Love-
too far away,
too complex? {complicated}
is it empty, FULL –
somewhere in between?
hollow,
echoing,
a kaleidoscopic vector?

i dream to know,
what it’s like,
to Love me –
not one soul has shared,
a single verb –
adjective,
descriptive prose,
quietly;
I wait, in awe-
struck loss
an empty Poet;
dripping ink from a bleeding heart,
collecting each syllable,
ballooned in admiration –
the word Love
yet, i; a spinning Helix;
shimmering deep yearns
{wondering}
contemplating,
what it’s like –
to Love me
i would not know,
no one has ever told me

{said, an unloved poet;
who sat on the edge of Earth,
looking down into a black sea –
pondering}

About mindretrofit8

Sharing the twistings, and musings that twirl in my mind. Hoping others can relate, or at least enjoy... To know more about me personally you can visit my website at Mind Retrofit.
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26 Responses to An Unloved Poet

  1. Oloriel says:

    A very touching piece, I can relate. I still sit on edge of the world, counting stars. I do hope someday soon somebody tells you and you can feel a little less uncomplete.

    • Thank you Oloriel, this was a mix of spinning emotions and a fictional character that run through my head times … it was triggered by me wondering if anyone had told me how they loved me, I cannot say that anyone has shared those things. The “how’s or why’s. I do not feel incomplete by it. I think it is more of feeling curious. πŸ™‚

  2. Peach says:

    This was very triggering for me. I am an adult adoptee in reunion with my natural family and have struggled with these same questions.

    • Peach, I am sorry this is triggering for you. It is real emotion and questions that I have pondered. Though this was not exactly about me I have struggled with these things. Dealing with abusive relationships, growing up confused by parents continually reminding me that I was supposed to be aborted and almost was, a life long struggle with depression, anxiety disorder, and social confusion along with other things that I will leave out. I have written about it on my other blog. They are words that hide deep in my psyche and I do not take them lightly. However, in my process of healing and connecting with my emotions I write and gain new understanding and new ways to learn what loving self is about.

      I truly, hope that you are ok, I never intend to upset anyone or cause pain.

      • Peach says:

        I’m sorry for causing worry. I have used journaling to work through a lot of emotions surrounding adoption, relinquishment, etc. I was mainly trying to say how deeply profound this piece is and how it brought up the core of the issues many adoptees face, as well as so many others. Thank you for writing.

      • Oh, thank you Peach! I was hoping I had not upset you. Thank you so much for commenting and sharing with me.

  3. rheath40 says:

    My darling this is gorgeous. Have you ever thought about getting published through Ether Books? This is a stunning piece.

  4. sitateofani says:

    oh wow…just at a day i feel how beautiful and wonderful i can be, but yet no one seems want to take me home…thanks for putting this into words

  5. matthewexeter says:

    This is cool, I especially like the hateful angry parts

  6. i was prepared to visit and say thank for liking my poem, and then i read yours….i’m at a loss of words at the moment, so i’d like to come back and take this in again.

  7. so sorry, it seems WP swallowed the follow up to my original comment.

    because i felt so close to your words, because it was like replaying my daily inner monologue for so much of my life, because i so admire and appreciate your raw honesty, and because it was just so beautifully written….ty.

    • Thank you and thank you for commenting!

      This piece is wrapped with a lot of emotions that I did not fully comprehend when I wrote it. It was later when I read other’s comments and I thought about my words that I realized the deep impact of my personal feelings that is fused into these words. I am glad I got them out. Sometimes I like that my mind doesn’t realize how “naked” it is making me, so I will feel no hesitations in sharing. πŸ™‚

      It helps me to discover that others know these feelings, I wish that no one did, but it brings a comfort that no words can truly describe.

  8. ‘I like that my mind doesn’t realize how β€œnaked” it is making me, so I will feel no hesitations in sharing’.

    yes, i believe i understand precisely what you’re expressing, that occurs with me as well. it usually reveals itself in the comments of others. i recently wrote this in response to a poem i wrote, and was very anxious about posting:

    i write from my heart, and sometimes this heart takes my words to places my head isn’t quite sure about, isn’t quite prepared for the honesty’

    in the end, i told my head to mind it’s own business, politely mind you, and trusted my heart and posted the poem and was rewarded. *smiling*

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